a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
