there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
bring money and cleavage
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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