she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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