my phone needs a breathalizer
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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