I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
