Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
