drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
