wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
what the fuck happened to the tacos
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
