I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize