Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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