Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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