and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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