What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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