Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
