Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
