i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
