She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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