I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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