I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
