so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
