walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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