just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
