We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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