I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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