Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
