it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
