U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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