I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
