Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
