just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
