Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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