Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
