i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
