He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize