I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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