Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
