i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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