So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
