her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Your penis caused this!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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