my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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