I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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