oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
