if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
