last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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