He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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