The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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