your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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