chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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