I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
