my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
