just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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