WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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