hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
