So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
