i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
