well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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