Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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