if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
