3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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