This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
