You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize