When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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