Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
