All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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