I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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