who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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