got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize