Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
