I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am available for nakedness
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
