Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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