My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
