she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
