Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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