NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
