All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
