You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
