I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
