You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
