I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is my gift to your gina
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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