What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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