Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
