he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
