he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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