operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
