We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize