And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
