I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
