Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
