we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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